Work Dad Jokes

Why did the Karen press CTRL+ ALT+ DEL? Because she wanted to see the task manager!

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.

Doctor, there’s an invisible person in the waiting room. Tell them I can’t see them.

I have a few jokes about retired people, but none of them work.

What did the baker say when she won an award? “It was a piece of cake.”

My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.

My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. “Sure,” I said. “My door is always open.”

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.

Why did the tailor get fired? He wasn’t a good fit.

Why did the employee get fired from the keyboard factory? He wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

I hate my job — all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

Getting paid to sleep is a true dream job.

Barbers… you have to take your hat off to them.

What happens when doctors get frustrated? They lose their patients.

I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.

I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

Why did the invisible man decline the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.

Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.

I made a whopping six figures last year. I also was fired from the toy factory for being too slow.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.” “Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You’ll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

My dream job is to clean mirrors, because I can really see myself doing that.

Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works better!

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn’t work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find.

The farmers lost all their crops and decided to try a career in music instead. They just had too many sick beets.

Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels!

Why did the elephant quit his job? He was working for peanuts.

Sales are down, so my boss asked why the greeting cards aren’t moving. I told him it’s because they are stationary.

Did you hear about the girl who quit her job at the doughnut factory? She was fed up with the hole business.

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.

Why did the cashier rip money in half? They were asked to break a bill.

Doctor, doctor, I’m terrified of squirrels. Doctor: You must be nuts.

What do you call a person in a tree with a briefcase? A branch manager!

Why does Santa work at the North Pole? Because the penguins kicked him out of the South Pole.

I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job.”

My doctor told me I’ve really grown as a person. Well, her exact words were that I “gained excess weight.”

Why did the vegetable call the plumber? It had a leek.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I took a couple of days off.

Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.

I’ve always wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.

What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for work? Bison.

Why did the cement factory vandal get away? There wasn’t any concrete evidence.

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”

What’s the best kind of bird to work for at a construction company? A crane.

That vampire should see a doctor…he’s always coffin.

Why did the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Ho, ho. Ho, ho who? You know, your Santa impression could use a little work!

Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting doctor. Inter—You’ve got a broken leg!

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Wendy. Wendy who? Wendy you get home from work? I wanna hang out.

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Earl. Earl who? Earl-y to bed, I have to go to work in the morning.

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Sarah. Sarah who? Sarah doctor in the house?

Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Wendy. Wendy who? Wendy bell works again I won’t have to knock anymore.

You did a grape job raisin me, Dad.

What did the Easter egg ask for at the hair salon? A new dye-job.

Why didn’t the pilgrim want to make the bread? It’s a crummy job.

Why did the ghost quit his job? They kept making him work the graveyard shift.

Why did the headless horseman start work earlier than everyone else? He wanted to get ahead.

How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.

Why do ghosts go to the gym? To work on their boo-dy!

Why did the ghost go to the doctor? Because he had a coffin!

Why did the zombie apply for a job? He wanted a coffin break!

Why did Santa go to the doctor? Because of his chronic “claustrophobia”!

Why did the Christmas tree go to the doctor? It was feeling green.

How is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and a guy in a suit gets all the credit.

Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crumby.

Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed to be trimmed!

My girlfriend says it’s either her or my career as a news reporter. I have some breaking news for her.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.” So I went in and applied for the job.