School Dad Jokes

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons have started to pay off.

Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Today my son asked me, “Can I have a bookmark”? I burst into tears — he’s 12 years old and still doesn’t know my name!

I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus, but geometry is where I draw the line. Which is the worst sport to play? Bad-minton.

Why did the girl bring a ladder on the bus? She wanted to go to high school.

“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

Why are fish so smart? They live in schools!

What is the tallest building in the world? The library – it’s got the most stories.

Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square.

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Student: “Can I go to the bathroom?” Teacher: “It’s ‘may.'” Student: “No, it’s January.”

What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem? “Let’s try a different angle.”

Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!

What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.

Where do books hide when they’re afraid? Under their covers.

Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.

I went to the library to borrow a movie, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The librarian just laughed and said, ‘That’s a blast from the past!

Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The bushes.

I’m writing a book about glue, but I’m stuck on the first chapter.

Why should you never use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.

What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.

I tried to do my homework but my pencil broke, so it was pointless.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, there’s no point!

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rita. Rita who? Rita a book, it’s better than watching TV.

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen anyone have an extra pencil?

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Forget it, this joke is pointless.

Knock! Knock! Who’s there? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who? Never mind, it’s pointless.

What did the pencil say to the paper? I dot my I’s on you.

What kind of spaceship did Luke fly in grade school? An ABC-Wing.

What do you call a book filled with outlines of Star Wars characters? A Kylo Ren Book.

Why did the turkey get detention at school? He used fowl language.

If pilgrims travel on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? Scholar ships.

Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch? He couldn’t spell.

What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.

Did you hear about the witch that got school detention? She was ex-spelled.

If skeletons could be any ruler from history, who would they be? Napoleon Bone-a-Part.

Why did Santa go to music school? To improve his wrapping skills!

Why was the math book sad at Christmas? Because it had too many problems!

Why did Santa’s reindeer Rudolph go to school? To improve his “elf”-esteem!

Why did Santa go to acting school? Because he wanted to improve his “present”ation!

Why couldn’t the teacher find anyone to help her with her gifts? No one was present.

Why did the ornament go to school? It wanted to be a little “brighter”!

What was Santa’s favorite subject in school? Chemistree.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

Why couldn’t the couple get married at the library? It was all booked up.

Why did the vampire get in trouble at school? He was caught giving blood tests!