- Who did the ghost take on a date? His ghoul-friend.
- Why couldn’t the mummy go to school with the witch? He couldn’t spell.
- Where do college vampires like to shop? Forever 21.
- What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-boo.
- How do ghosts drink their coffee? With scream and sugar.
- Why did the vampire go to the dentist? It had bat breath.
- What monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein!
- What did the zombie say when he met the human? Nice to EAT you.
- Why do people hate vampires? Because they suck.
- Why do ghosts speak Latin? Because it’s a dead language.
- What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
- How do you know if a mummy is sick? He can’t stop coffin.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
- Why don’t vampires attack Taylor Swift? She’s got Bad Blood.
- Why is it so hard trick or treating with twins? You never know which is witch.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Ice scream sandwich.
- Did you hear about the zombie that took a nap? It was dead tired.
- Did you hear about the witch that got school detention? She was ex-spelled.
- Why is a cemetery the best place to write a story? Because it has so many plots!
- Why wouldn’t the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with him.
- What is a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house? The living room!
- What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
- What do you call a vampire in trouble? A grave problem.
- What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
- What did one skeleton say to the other? I’ve got a bone to pick with you.
- Why do witches drink beer? They enjoy a good brew.
- Why does a witch ride a broomstick? So she can make a clean getaway.
- Where do ghosts go on vacation? Mali-boo.
- What is a ghost’s favourite yoghurt flavour? Boooooooberry.
- Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They don’t have the guts.
- How do skeletons know what is about to happen? They can feel it in their bones.
- What do owls say when they go trick or treating? Happy Owl-ween.
- What position does the ghost play in soccer? Ghoul-keeper.
- Who did the little monster ask for when he was scared? His mummy.
- Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? They’ve got loads of spirit.
- Where do ghosts like to go shopping? Boo-tiques.
- Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- What do monsters like to watch movies on? Wide scream TVs.
- Why can’t werewolves play basketball? They get too many howls.
- Why did the ghost quit his job? They kept making him work the graveyard shift.
- What did the ghost say when he realized he’d been cheated? I’ve been bam-BOO-zled!
- Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
- Why did the skeleton climb the tree? A dog was chasing him.
- What is a pumpkin’s favourite sport? Squash.
- Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
- What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out!
- If skeletons could be any ruler from history, who would they be? Napoleon Bone-a-Part.
- Why did the headless horseman start work earlier than everyone else? He wanted to get ahead.
- How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.
- How do mummies tell their future? They read their horror-scope.
- Why are vampires easily fooled? They’re suckers.
- Why are vampires bad at art? They are only able to draw blood.
- Why don’t zombies like pirates? They’re too salty.
- Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
- Who’s the scariest body builder of all time? Dr. Frankenstein.
- Where does a mummy go on vacation? The Dead Sea.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? Because they don’t have the guts!
- What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.
- Why do witches fly on brooms? Vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
- What do mummies listen to on Halloween? Wrap music!
- How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern? Use a pumpkin patch!
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange!
- Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry? They’re afraid of flying off the handle!
- What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
- Why did the vampire read the newspaper? To find his own obituary!
- Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
- How does a vampire keep his breath fresh? Fang-flossing!
- What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boo-jeans!
- How do monsters like their eggs? Terrifried!
- What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound!
- Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite game? Hide and shriek!
- Why do ghosts go to the gym? To work on their boo-dy!
- Why don’t vampires use toothpaste? They like to brush with fangs!
- What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich!
- What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I’ll have two beers and a mop.
- Why did the skeleton go to the BBQ? To get another rib.
- How do you make a witch itch? Take away the W.
- What kind of streets do zombies like the best? Dead ends!
- Why was the ghost such a messy eater? Because he was always goblin’!
- What kind of candy do witches like best? Twix or Tweats!
- What does a ghost call his mom and dad? His transparents!
- What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck!
- What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed!
- What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument? The trom-bone!
- What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? A sucker!
- Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They’re too wrapped up in themselves!
- Why did the ghost go to the party? He heard it was going to be a grave affair!
- Why did the ghost go to the doctor? Because he had a coffin!
- What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat? Life Savers!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite food? Spooketti!
- What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist!
- What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet!
- What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving!
- Why did the vampire get in trouble at school? He was caught giving blood tests!
- What kind of monster loves to disco? The boogieman!
- Why don’t ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits!
- Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? Because steak was a pain in the neck!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the carnival? The roller-ghoster!
- What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don’t spook until you’re spoken to!
- Why was the vampire always at war with his hair? Because it always had a bat-itude!
- Why did the zombie apply for a job? He wanted a coffin break!
- What’s a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet!
- What do witches put in their hair? Scare-spray!
- Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store!
- What does the vampire’s Valentine say? You’re just my blood type.
- Did you hear about the coffin sale? That’s the last thing I need.
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Bat. Bat who? Bat you’ll never guess!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy!
- Knock Knock. Who’s there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?