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- What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
- Can a turkey jump higher than a house? Yes, because houses can’t jump!
- Did you hear about the turkey prom? It was a Butterball.
- How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie? 3.14.
- If leaves come from trees, where do turkeys come from? Poultries.
- What did the Thanksgiving turkey say to the Christmas ham? Nice to meat you.
- Which holiday is Dracula’s favorite? Fangs-giving.
- What do sweet potatoes wear to bed? Yammies.
- What do you call a sad cranberry? A blueberry.
- What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving? Lucky!
- What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.
- What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock.
- What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner? The casse-role.
- My grandma made mashed potatoes from a box. That’s it. That’s the joke.
- What’s blue and covered in feathers? A turkey holding its breath.
- When is turkey soup bad for your health? When you’re the turkey!
- Why did the policeman crash Thanksgiving dinner? To stop people from going over the feed limit.
- Why did the turkey play the drums in his band? Because he already had drumsticks!
- What kind of turkey requires ID? Wild Turkey.
- Why don’t side dishes tell jokes? They’re too corny.
- Why should you never tell secrets in a cornfield? Because the corn has ears.
- Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
- What did the turkey say to the hunter on Thanksgiving day? Quack, quack!
- What do turkeys like to do in the summertime? Have peck-nics!
- What do you call a rude turkey? A jerk-ey!
- What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google.
- What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey? Enough drumsticks for everyone!
- What does a turkey dress up as for Halloween? A gobblin’!
- What happened to the turkey that got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
- Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey? He sensed fowl play.
- Why did the potato apologize? He mashed up.
- What is a turkey ghost called? A poultry-geist!
- What is a turkey thankful for at Thanksgiving? Vegetarians!
- What key won’t open any doors? A tur-key!
- What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot!
- Where do you find a turkey with no legs? Exactly where you left it.
- Why can’t you take a turkey to church? Because they use fowl language!
- Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
- Why didn’t the turkey want any dessert? He was already stuffed!
- What’s the best way to fix a broken pumpkin? Use a pumpkin patch.
- Got any cornbread jokes? I do, but they’re corny.
- How did the peas feel when they found out everyone preferred mashed potatoes? They were green with envy.
- How was the butternut squash soup? It was gourd.
- I tried a new pie recipe. Wow, you’re a real pie-oneer.
- If you call a big turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one? A goblet.
- What did Han Solo say to Luke Skywalker on Thanksgiving? May the forks be with you.
- What did pilgrim teenagers think about the first Thanksgiving? It was corny.
- What did the dressing say to the turkey? You ain’t seen stuffing yet.
- What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!
- What did the turkey say to his real estate agent? Turn-key only.
- What do you a call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
- What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost? A poultry-geist.
- What do you say when you have to leave Thanksgiving before dessert? Pie-pie!
- What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.
- What happened to the turkey that got in a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
- What instrument does a turkey play? The drumsticks!
- What key has legs and can’t open a door? A tur-key.
- What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock.
- What kind of weather does a turkey like? Fowl weather.
- What side dish do you bring for Thanksgiving dinner when you accidentally sat on the sweet potatoes? Squash casserole.
- What side dish requires a plus-one when invited to dinner? Mac and cheese.
- What sound does a dizzy turkey make? Wobble, wobble.
- What sound does a turkey’s phone make? Wing-wing-wing.
- What’s a turkey’s favorite dessert? Peach gobbler!
- What’s blue and covered in feathers? A turkey holding its breath.
- What’s John Wayne’s favorite holiday? Thanksgiving, Pilgrim.
- What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
- What’s the best song to play while cooking a turkey? All about that baste.
- What’s a turkey’s favorite month? They don’t have one, but they prefer any other than November!
- Which side of a turkey has more feathers? The outside.
- Why did the cranberries turn red? Because they saw the turkey dressing.
- Why did the turkey cross the road? He wanted people to think he was a chicken.
- Why did the turkey get detention at school? He used fowl language.
- Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had his own drumsticks.
- Why didn’t the cook season the Thanksgiving turkey? There was no thyme!
- Why didn’t the pilgrim want to make the bread? It’s a crummy job.
- Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down? Because they wear their buckles on their hats!
- Why shouldn’t you sit next to a turkey at dinner? Because he will gobble it up.
- You know you overdid it at Thanksgiving when you thought the serving size for turkey was one.
- What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede? Drumsticks for everyone!
- Be nice to your cranberry sauce or it’ll turn into blueberry sauce.
- Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! Buildings can’t jump.
- Can you season the turkey for me? There’s not thyme!
- Did you hear about pumpkin pie that apologized? It was a piece offering.
- Did you hear about the green bean that is studying for its license? It has to pass the salad bar.
- Did you hear about the pie that joined a girl group? Its stage name is Pumpkin Pie Spice.
- Did you hear about the sad cranberry? It was actually a blueberry.
- Did you hear about the scarecrow who won first prize? It was outstanding in its field.
- You know you overdid it on Thanksgiving when you cut yourself shaving and you bleed gravy.
- Did you hear about the turkey fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
- Did you hear about the turkey haunted house? It had a poultry-giest.
- Did you hear about the turkey who went to jail? It was arrested for fowl play.
- Do you know where you can get turkey stock in bulk? The stock market.
- How did the cider mill keep track of its inventory? On an Apple iPad.
- What’s Frankenstein’s favorite Thanksgiving dish? Monster mash potatoes and grave-y.
- How did the cornbread get away from the holiday feast? It waved down a taxi cob.
- How did the cornbread keep its shape? It spent an hour on the gym’s bread machine.
- How did the detective solve the mystery at the orchard? He pressed the apples for clues.
- How did the investor know Apple’s stock was going to go up? He had incider information.
- How did the pilgrims bring their cows to America? On the mooo-flower.
- How did the salt and pepper welcome all the guests? By saying, Seasoning’s greetings!
- How did the turkey get home for Thanksgiving? It took the gravy train.
- How did you find grandma’s turkey this year? I just looked next to the gravy.
- Is that your pop-up timer or are you just happy to see me?
- How do little pumpkins cross the road? With a crossing gourd.
- How do Pilgrims kick a bad habit? They stop cold turkey.
- Why did the turkey stand on stilts? Because nobody eat flamingoes for Thanksgiving dinner.
- How do turkeys cross the ocean? On a gravy boat.
- How do turkeys search the internet? They use Gobble.
- How do you tell the difference between turkeys and chickens? Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving.
- What did the turkey say when he met the president? Pardon me.
- How does a limping turkey walk? It wobble, wobbles.
- How is cornbread like the army? They’re both made of lots of kernels!
- How many cooks do you need to stuff a turkey? Just one, but sometimes they don’t fit.
- How’d the Thanksgiving cheese plate go over? Everyone was grateful.
- Why did the turkey bring a microphone? He was ready to roast.
- I accidentally sat on the sweet potatoes, so now I’m serving squash.
- If April flowers bring May showers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!
- If pilgrims travel on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? Scholar ships.
- If things go wrong with Thanksgiving dinner, don’t lose your head. The turkey already did that for you.
- Why did the comedian ask you to pass the bread? He was trying to get on a roll.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, I’m hungry!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don’t eat this much at dinner.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Tanks. Tanks who? Tanksgiving is here!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Thanksgiving. Aren’t you?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter open up quick, I have a funny Thanksgiving joke to tell you!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip a big plate of turkey and let’s start eating!
