1. What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
  2. Can a turkey jump higher than a house? Yes, because houses can’t jump!
  3. Did you hear about the turkey prom? It was a Butterball.
  4. How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie? 3.14.
  5. If leaves come from trees, where do turkeys come from? Poultries.
  6. What did the Thanksgiving turkey say to the Christmas ham? Nice to meat you.
  7. Which holiday is Dracula’s favorite? Fangs-giving.
  8. What do sweet potatoes wear to bed? Yammies.
  9. What do you call a sad cranberry? A blueberry.
  10. What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving? Lucky!
  11. What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.
  12. What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock.
  13. What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner? The casse-role.
  14. My grandma made mashed potatoes from a box. That’s it. That’s the joke.
  15. What’s blue and covered in feathers? A turkey holding its breath.
  16. When is turkey soup bad for your health? When you’re the turkey!
  17. Why did the policeman crash Thanksgiving dinner? To stop people from going over the feed limit.
  18. Why did the turkey play the drums in his band? Because he already had drumsticks!
  19. What kind of turkey requires ID? Wild Turkey.
  20. Why don’t side dishes tell jokes? They’re too corny.
  21. Why should you never tell secrets in a cornfield? Because the corn has ears.
  22. Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
  23. What did the turkey say to the hunter on Thanksgiving day? Quack, quack!
  24. What do turkeys like to do in the summertime? Have peck-nics!
  25. What do you call a rude turkey? A jerk-ey!
  26. What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google.
  27. What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey? Enough drumsticks for everyone!
  28. What does a turkey dress up as for Halloween? A gobblin’!
  29. What happened to the turkey that got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
  30. Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey? He sensed fowl play.
  31. Why did the potato apologize? He mashed up.
  32. What is a turkey ghost called? A poultry-geist!
  33. What is a turkey thankful for at Thanksgiving? Vegetarians!
  34. What key won’t open any doors? A tur-key!
  35. What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot!
  36. Where do you find a turkey with no legs? Exactly where you left it.
  37. Why can’t you take a turkey to church? Because they use fowl language!
  38. Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
  39. Why didn’t the turkey want any dessert? He was already stuffed!
  40. What’s the best way to fix a broken pumpkin? Use a pumpkin patch.
  41. Got any cornbread jokes? I do, but they’re corny.
  42. How did the peas feel when they found out everyone preferred mashed potatoes? They were green with envy.
  43. How was the butternut squash soup? It was gourd.
  44. I tried a new pie recipe. Wow, you’re a real pie-oneer.
  45. If you call a big turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one? A goblet.
  46. What did Han Solo say to Luke Skywalker on Thanksgiving? May the forks be with you.
  47. What did pilgrim teenagers think about the first Thanksgiving? It was corny.
  48. What did the dressing say to the turkey? You ain’t seen stuffing yet.
  49. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!
  50. What did the turkey say to his real estate agent? Turn-key only.
  51. What do you a call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
  52. What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost? A poultry-geist.
  53. What do you say when you have to leave Thanksgiving before dessert? Pie-pie!
  54. What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.
  55. What happened to the turkey that got in a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
  56. What instrument does a turkey play? The drumsticks!
  57. What key has legs and can’t open a door? A tur-key.
  58. What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock.
  59. What kind of weather does a turkey like? Fowl weather.
  60. What side dish do you bring for Thanksgiving dinner when you accidentally sat on the sweet potatoes? Squash casserole.
  61. What side dish requires a plus-one when invited to dinner? Mac and cheese.
  62. What sound does a dizzy turkey make? Wobble, wobble.
  63. What sound does a turkey’s phone make? Wing-wing-wing.
  64. What’s a turkey’s favorite dessert? Peach gobbler!
  65. What’s blue and covered in feathers? A turkey holding its breath.
  66. What’s John Wayne’s favorite holiday? Thanksgiving, Pilgrim.
  67. What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
  68. What’s the best song to play while cooking a turkey? All about that baste.
  69. What’s a turkey’s favorite month? They don’t have one, but they prefer any other than November!
  70. Which side of a turkey has more feathers? The outside.
  71. Why did the cranberries turn red? Because they saw the turkey dressing.
  72. Why did the turkey cross the road? He wanted people to think he was a chicken.
  73. Why did the turkey get detention at school? He used fowl language.
  74. Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had his own drumsticks.
  75. Why didn’t the cook season the Thanksgiving turkey? There was no thyme!
  76. Why didn’t the pilgrim want to make the bread? It’s a crummy job.
  77. Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down? Because they wear their buckles on their hats!
  78. Why shouldn’t you sit next to a turkey at dinner? Because he will gobble it up.
  79. You know you overdid it at Thanksgiving when you thought the serving size for turkey was one.
  80. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede? Drumsticks for everyone!
  81. Be nice to your cranberry sauce or it’ll turn into blueberry sauce.
  82. Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! Buildings can’t jump.
  83. Can you season the turkey for me? There’s not thyme!
  84. Did you hear about pumpkin pie that apologized? It was a piece offering.
  85. Did you hear about the green bean that is studying for its license? It has to pass the salad bar.
  86. Did you hear about the pie that joined a girl group? Its stage name is Pumpkin Pie Spice.
  87. Did you hear about the sad cranberry? It was actually a blueberry.
  88. Did you hear about the scarecrow who won first prize? It was outstanding in its field.
  89. You know you overdid it on Thanksgiving when you cut yourself shaving and you bleed gravy.
  90. Did you hear about the turkey fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
  91. Did you hear about the turkey haunted house? It had a poultry-giest.
  92. Did you hear about the turkey who went to jail? It was arrested for fowl play.
  93. Do you know where you can get turkey stock in bulk? The stock market.
  94. How did the cider mill keep track of its inventory? On an Apple iPad.
  95. What’s Frankenstein’s favorite Thanksgiving dish? Monster mash potatoes and grave-y.
  96. How did the cornbread get away from the holiday feast? It waved down a taxi cob.
  97. How did the cornbread keep its shape? It spent an hour on the gym’s bread machine.
  98. How did the detective solve the mystery at the orchard? He pressed the apples for clues.
  99. How did the investor know Apple’s stock was going to go up? He had incider information.
  100. How did the pilgrims bring their cows to America? On the mooo-flower.
  101. How did the salt and pepper welcome all the guests? By saying, Seasoning’s greetings!
  102. How did the turkey get home for Thanksgiving? It took the gravy train.
  103. How did you find grandma’s turkey this year? I just looked next to the gravy.
  104. Is that your pop-up timer or are you just happy to see me?
  105. How do little pumpkins cross the road? With a crossing gourd.
  106. How do Pilgrims kick a bad habit? They stop cold turkey.
  107. Why did the turkey stand on stilts? Because nobody eat flamingoes for Thanksgiving dinner.
  108. How do turkeys cross the ocean? On a gravy boat.
  109. How do turkeys search the internet? They use Gobble.
  110. How do you tell the difference between turkeys and chickens? Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving.
  111. What did the turkey say when he met the president? Pardon me.
  112. How does a limping turkey walk? It wobble, wobbles.
  113. How is cornbread like the army? They’re both made of lots of kernels!
  114. How many cooks do you need to stuff a turkey? Just one, but sometimes they don’t fit.
  115. How’d the Thanksgiving cheese plate go over? Everyone was grateful.
  116. Why did the turkey bring a microphone? He was ready to roast.
  117. I accidentally sat on the sweet potatoes, so now I’m serving squash.
  118. If April flowers bring May showers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!
  119. If pilgrims travel on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? Scholar ships.
  120. If things go wrong with Thanksgiving dinner, don’t lose your head. The turkey already did that for you.
  121. Why did the comedian ask you to pass the bread? He was trying to get on a roll.
  122. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, I’m hungry!
  123. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don’t eat this much at dinner.
  124. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Tanks. Tanks who? Tanksgiving is here!
  125. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Thanksgiving. Aren’t you?
  126. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter open up quick, I have a funny Thanksgiving joke to tell you!
  127. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip a big plate of turkey and let’s start eating!