1. What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
  2. What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
  3. How can you save money on Valentine’s gifts? Become single.
  4. How do astronomers propose on Valentine’s Day? They planet.
  5. What did one flea say to the other? You’re dyna-mite.
  6. What did one light bulb say to the other? I love you watts and watts.
  7. What did one puzzle piece say to the other? We fit together.
  8. What did one sheep say to the other? Ewe complete me.
  9. What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.
  10. What did the paper clip say to the magnet? I find you very attractive.
  11. What did the tortoise say on Valentine’s Day? I turt-ally love you.
  12. What do astronauts say to their sweethearts? I love you to the moon and back.
  13. What do you call a romance that starts at the aquarium? Guppy love.
  14. What do you tell a pig on February 14? Happy Valen-swine’s Day!
  15. What kind of dinner does Cupid eat? A heart-y one.
  16. 1 and 2 fell in love. 2 said, you’re the only one for me!
  17. 2 blood cells met and fell in love… Alas, it was all in vein!
  18. Are you a cat? Cause you are purrfect.
  19. Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. I heard they really bonded!
  20. Did you hear about the love affair between the sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
  21. Did you hear about the octopuses that were in love? They went about arm in arm in arm in arm!
  22. Did you hear about the spider wedding? Yes, they’re newly-webs.
  23. Did you hear about the two boats who fell in love? It was a beautiful row-mance!
  24. Did you hear about the two radios that got married? The reception was amazing.
  25. Did you hear about the vampire wedding? It was love at first bite.
  26. Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yeah, it’s February 14!
  27. Do you have an ice pack? I bonked my head falling for you.
  28. Do you know what this shirt is made of? Hubby/wifey material.
  29. Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me!
  30. Do you play soccer? Because you’re a keeper!
  31. Don’t go bacon my heart.
  32. Forget Valentine’s Day. I’m just waiting for the discounted chocolate.
  33. How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day? For stealing someone’s heart.
  34. How can you tell if a calendar is popular? It always has a date!
  35. How can you tell when a squirrel is in love? It goes nuts!
  36. How did the bat couple spend Valentine’s Day? Hanging out together!
  37. How did the cashew share its feelings with the almond? “I’m nuts about you.”
  38. How did the coin propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a jingle.
  39. How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? “Whale you be mine?”
  40. How did the phone propose to his GF? He gave her a ring.
  41. How did the tennis ball flirt with the racquet? By saying, “Hit me up!”
  42. How did the two prunes confirm dinner plans? They said it was a date.
  43. How did the vegetable politely ask for a date? “Peas be my Valentine.”
  44. How did the whale ask the other whale on a Valentine’s date? Whale you be mine?
  45. How do chefs show their love? They whisk you off your feet!
  46. How do sheep share their feelings with each other? By saying, “I love ewe.”
  47. How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine’s Day? If it’s love at first bite.
  48. I’m going to spend Valentine’s Day with my true love… food.
  49. If he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
  50. If I were a cat, I’d spend all nine lives with you.
  51. If I were to lay eleven roses next to you, you’d make the perfect dozen.
  52. If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
  53. Is your name Chapstick? Because I think you’re da balm!
  54. What are insects called when they’re dating? Lovebugs.
  55. What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you berry much.
  56. What did one boat say to the other boat? Are you interested in a little row-mance?
  57. What did one calculator say to the other? You can count on me.
  58. What did one elephant say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you a ton!
  59. What did one flame say to another on Valentine’s Day? We’re a perfect match.
  60. What did one Hershey’s bar say to the other who arrived long past their date time? “You’re choco-late.”
  61. What did one hotdog say to the other? You’re a real weiner!
  62. What did one lamp say to the other? You light up my life.
  63. What did the painter tell his girlfriend? I love you with all my art.
  64. What did the pasta say to the tomato? I love it when you get saucy.
  65. What did the pencil say to the paper? I dot my I’s on you.
  66. What did the pickle say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “You’re a big dill to me.”
  67. What did the prince say to Ariel? We were mermaid for each other!
  68. What did the purse say to the handbag? I never want to leave your side.
  69. What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? Somebunny loves you!
  70. What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card? Be my Valen-slime!
  71. What does a heartbroken LEGO person say? I’m falling to pieces!
  72. What does a vampire call his sweetheart? His ghoul-friend.
  73. What does an owl sign their Valentine’s Day card? Owl be yours!
  74. What does Kevin Bacon say to his wife? Don’t go bacon my heart.
  75. What does Nicolas Cage say on Valentine’s Day? You’ve caged my heart.
  76. What happened when the candle went dating? It found the perfect match!
  77. When do bed bugs fall in love? In the spring.
  78. When is Valentine’s Day? Every year!
  79. Where did the high-heel take its date? To the football.
  80. Which day is the worst to propose on? April Fools’ Day!
  81. Why should you fall in love with a pastry chef? He’ll never dessert you.
  82. Why should you never marry a tennis player? Because, to them, love means nothing!
  83. Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you!
  84. Knock knock. Who’s there? Bea. Bea who? Bea mine Valentine!
  85. Knock knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke who just got a Valentine!
  86. Knock knock. Who’s there? Peas. Peas who? Peas be my Valentine!
  87. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Eyesore. Eyesore, who? Eyesore do love you a lot.
  88. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like a big kiss?
  89. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter together than apart.
  90. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Love. Love who? Aw, love you too.
  91. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Teddy. Teddy who? Teddy is Valentine’s Day.